The Dreamkeepers

Dreamkeepers
One finds a space
One day one takes a step into
A small and somewhat non-attention-drawing office
And pledges one’s most future pressing years to dedicate
To this place
This space
This time
Enveloped
Envisioned
In the dream of one man
The boss

And stepping in on that first day
The energy within
Pulses
The adrenaline of possibility pumping
And a dream is born
Manifest
Into physical

And as the days become nights
Become days
Become dreams-come-true
The hope it grows
And nurtures
And crystallizes into visions of one’s future potential
and places to reach for
But then
The tower
Gets struck
By lightening
- the conscience of consequence of action -
the flash of misguidance
Directs the ship directly into the storm
That was predicted too long ago
And once again
The cracks that let the water seep in
Materialize once more
And the ships goes
Down

And the crew
Jumps
Or get pushed
Off

And then there is nothing
But the lonely dregs of loyal plebs
Hanging onto to threadbare wisps
Of a dream
Once lived
Who pledged their heart
For a cause that held their personal dream
Only to have one man
Undermine
Their heart
Use
A piece of their soul
Take for granted
Them

And so the loyalty hurts and starves
And the dream dies from thirst
And it all shrivels up to what it was at the very beginning
The cycle begins again
The Lesson
still unlearned

And the deeply saddened spirit
Tries to pick up the pieces of its broken heart
And the person
Moves on …
Void of choice

All because of a man
who forgot
to remember
His companions
His soulmates
His dreamkeepers

Conversations with the Master : The language of the signs

Posted: 17 Oct 2008 05:45 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

- What is the language of the signs?
- Every man has his own personal way of communicating with God and with his own soul.
- So man doesn’t need religion?
- The religions are very important, because they allow us to adore collectively, and to share the same mysteries. But the spiritual search is the responsibility of each of us: if you stray from your path, it is no use blaming the priest, the minister, the rabbi, the pastor - the responsibility is yours alone. That is why an alphabet exists which your soul understands, and which will show you the better decisions along your path.
- How to learn this language?
- Like you would any other. First, with the discipline to educate oneself to notice the signs. Then, with the courage to practice the language. Thirdly, never be afraid to make mistakes while practicing.
- What is it makes us so often follow the wrong sign?
- But of course, how else to learn the right signs?
- Could you give me an example of a sign?
- No. As I said, the language is individual. If we begin to generalize the signs, they turn into superstition.
"Many masters have made the mistake of using their signs in order to guide their disciples. What happens is that when people begin the spiritual search, they enter unknown waters, and feel insecure. So they try grabbing hold of the first thing held out to them - and in doing this, they abandon the aspect of adventure, only to become slaves to the hand guiding them. "
- How can I be sure of recognizing a sign as a true one?
- You never can. But, generally, if you begin seeing this world beyond convictions, you will see that your intuition will start to lead you towards the better choice - however absurd it may seem. Gradually, this language becomes incorporated within you, and although you will continue to make the odd mistake, you are already at peace with your soul, and make the right decisions.
"Often the sign is more practical than we imagined, and I’ll tell you a story about this.
"A man once dreamt about an angel, who said to him: tomorrow it will start to rain, your village will be flooded, but you will be saved.
"And sure enough, the next day it started to rain. An emergency team went from house to house, evacuating the inhabitants, since there was a danger of flooding. All left, except that man, who said: "I had a dream about an angel, who said I’d be saved."
"The next day, the water rose to the first floor of the houses. A second emergency team came to try and save the man, who again refused to leave, claiming to have received a sign from an angel, and that he had to show the world his faith.
"By the third day, the situation had become critical, and the man was alone, perched on the roof of his house - as the waters continued to rise nonstop. Making an enormous effort, a rescue team again tried to remove him, but again he refused, calling them the devil, shouting that they were trying to force him to deny the angel’s sign.
"A short while later, the water covered the house and the man was drowned. Since he was a good Christian, he went to heaven and met St. Peter, who invited him to enter. The man refused, saying that God had tricked him; He had sent an angel who told him he would be saved, when in fact he was the only villager who had died.
"St. Peter told him that God never lied, and promised to return with an explanation. He entered Paradise and returned half an hour later, saying:
"It is true, God did indeed send you an angel to tell you that you would be saved. But He said you refused, three times, the salvation He sent you in the form of rescue teams!""

Statutes for the present moment

Posted: 16 Oct 2008 05:29 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho


1] All men are different. And should do everything possible to continue to be so.
2] Each human being has been granted two courses of action: that of deed and that of contemplation. Both lead to the same place.
3] Each human being has been granted two qualities: power and gift. Power drives man to meet his destiny, his gift obliges him to share with others that which is good in him. A man must know when to use his power, and when to use his gift.
4] Each human being has been granted a virtue: the capacity to choose. For he who does not use this virtue, it becomes a curse - and others will always choose for him.
5] Each human being has the right to two blessings, which are: the blessing to do right, and the blessing to err. In the latter case, there is always a path of learning leading to the right way.
6] Each human being has his own sexual profile, and should exercise it without guilt - provided he does not oblige others to exercise it with him.
7] Each human being has his own Personal Legend to be fulfilled, and this is the reason he is in the world. The Personal Legend is manifest in his enthusiasm for what he does.Single paragraph - the Personal Legend may be abandoned for a certain time, provided one does not forget it and returns as soon as possible.
8] Each man has a feminine side, and each woman has a masculine side. It is necessary to use discipline with intuition, and to use intuition objectively.
9] Each human being must know two languages: the language of society and the language of the omens. The first serves for communication with others. The second serves to interpret messages from God.
10] Each human being has the right to seek out joy, joy being understood as something which makes one content - not necessarily that which makes others content.
11] Each human being must keep alight within him the sacred flame of madness. And must behave like a normal person.
12] The only faults considered grave are the following: not respecting the rights of one’s neighbor, letting oneself be paralyzed by fear, feeling guilty, thinking one does not deserve the good and bad which occurs in life, and being a coward.Paragraph 1 - we shall love our adversaries, but not make alliances with them. They are placed in our way to test our sword, and deserve the respect of our fight.Paragraph 2 - we shall choose our adversaries, not the other way around.
13] All religions lead to the same God, and all deserve the same respect.Single paragraph - A man who chooses a religion is also choosing a collective manner of adoration and of sharing the mysteries. Nevertheless, he alone is responsible for his actions along the Way, and he has no right to transfer to religion the responsibility for his steps and his decisions.
14] We hereby declare the end to the wall dividing the sacred from the profane: from now on, all is sacred.
15] Everything which is done in the present, affects the future by consequence, and the past by redemption.
16] Dispensations to the contrary are herewith revoked.

Quote of the Day
Posted: 16 Oct 2008 05:26 AM CDT
By Paulo Coelho

The Warrior of Light does not always have faith.

(Manual of the Warrior of Light)

Today’s Question by the reader : Yajna
Posted: 09 Oct 2008 05:46 AM CDT

I believe that love should never prevent you from reaching your dream, but how does it work if your dream is love? Isn’t love an entity on its own, not under control/ ours to be decided on?

Concerning love - it is the ultimate goal. Our personal legend is merely a path, a way we trace in this world in order to fulfill ourselves. As Saint Paul says in his letter to the Corinthians (13:1) : "If I speak in the languages of humans and angels but have no love, I have become a reverberating gong or a clashing cymbal."

the Fires of the Divine

will always burn that which has reached its time for transformation, transcendence, renewal ....

that is where we have arrived ....

a lightening bolt struck us both down, and burned every part of what we had to nothing - all incinerated ...

we've reached a time of fundamentally deep change ....

only something greater is destined to grow from among the burnt ashes of our past together .....

and only time will reveal the secrets of its intentions ....

for now we walk in the shadow of unknowingness, and can only blindly trust the Hands that guide us forward each on our own way....

Quote of the Day
Posted: 09 Oct 2008 05:48 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

Whenever man walks the path of faith with sincerity, he becomes capable of growing closer to God and capable of miracles.

(By the River Piedra I sat down and wept)

The Sword of Decision

Being master of your sword
Posted: 09 Oct 2008 05:50 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

A sword may last a short time. But the warrior must endure.
That is why he is not fooled about his own capability, and avoids being taken by surprise. He considers each thing with the importance it deserves.
At times, when faced with grave matters, the devil whispers in his ear: "do not worry about that, it’s not serious."
At others, facing banal things, the demon tells him: "you should devote all your energy to resolve this situation."
The warrior does not listen to what the devil is saying.
He is master of his sword.

Knowing when to remain still

Posted: 08 Oct 2008 06:52 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

A warrior of the light never forgets that good men do not complain.
Injustices take place. We all go through situations we do not deserve - generally when we cannot defend ourselves.
At such times, the warrior remains silent. He does not waste energy on words, for they can do nothing; it is better to use the strength to resist, be patient, and know that Someone is watching. Someone who has faced unjust suffering, and who does not accept it.
This Someone gives the warrior that which he needs the most: time. Sooner or later, everything will work in his favor once again.
A warrior of the light is wise; He doesn’t comment on his defeats.

Quote of the Day
Posted: 08 Oct 2008 06:51 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

We arrive precisely where we need to arrive because the hand of God always guides those who follow their path with faith.

(Brida)

A Gentle whisper to my ears

Quote of the Day
Posted: 07 Oct 2008 05:56 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

The Lord listens to the prayers of those who ask to be able to forget hatred, but is deaf to those who want to flee love.

(The Fifth Mountain)

Quote of the Day
Posted: 06 Oct 2008 05:39 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

God always offers us a second chance in life.

(By the river Piedra I sat Down and Wept)

Time to let go

The Strength of the Warrior
Posted: 06 Oct 2008 05:44 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

The warrior - inadvertently - takes a wrong step and falls into the abyss. Phantoms startle him, loneliness torments him. As always he sought the Good Combat, and didn’t think this would happen to him.
But it did. Surrounded by darkness, he communicates with his master.
"Master, I have fallen into the abyss," he says. "The waters are deep and dark."
"Remember one thing," replies the master. "That it is not the fall which drowns, but the length of time underwater."
And this causes the warrior to use all his strength to get out of the situation in which he finds himself.

...thank you Paulo. My heart is broken, and all because I believed fully and deeply in the person ... confused as I am right now, its time to let go of him, I did my best, gave my all, loved with every part of me - his destiny is not my choosing, it is his own. I uqestion every day how I did not love him enough, what more could I have given of myself, and every morning I look at him and the walls have shut me out even more than before - or maybe its me who knows this fight I have lost. He won - whatever it was he wanted to achieve, he did.

Its Time for me to go my own way now and leave him in the present, there'll be no changes for today.

Keyword of the Day: Devastated

...So, here I am. Splat all over the floor, desperrately trying to get through the day and knowing that I'm probably not going to - not poised and collected anyway. Finally, my heart got my attention and bitch-slapped me in the face to wake me up - whilst telling me over and over to feel what i am actually feeling - that I'm a devastated mess, that I feel like I've been crushed and rolled over just for confirmation of my flatness into the pavement, squished like a bug, and that the only way to get up is to scrape the remnants of my once living body off the floor.

And, yes, of course, its always becuase of heart break. And yes, he managed to get me ointo this space - have this effect on me. I didn't want to admit it. But driving to work this morning it felt good to reconcile myself to the fact that this is really where i am inside - raw and hurting endlessly. Sad and feeling like a fool. Wishing there was some way to get what was back, and knowing i have to find a way instead of moving forward.... and then i have to sit opposite him at work, face him as if all is well, and its not. i couldn't hold it in anymore today - i balled my eyes in the bathroom. I feel like a soggy mess inside and just want to run a mile. But also know that this is probably the best space for me to be in right now.

he questions me in how I perceive things, and i'm just not like him, i don't shut things away and lock them up for good. I feel them, breathe them, live them - i am what is going on inside of me and I cannot ignore it....

so of course it leaves me feelign even more rejected, confused, hurt - devastated - watching him cool and calm like nothing ever mattered, that life is just going on. i watched a movie last night and she tells him "we're just the substitute". Of course they fidn their way to each other at the end - always the case with romantic movies. But the point is that those words hit me, I was his substitute. And now that all is learned / or not (probably more the case), he had his bit of fun and goes back to his familiar space ... and i'm the fool who fell. You know, the one solice i have is knowing I've found the courage after all these days to be able to admit that i fell, hard and fast, and that i feel a complete idiot... i'm not sure how one picks themself up from a fall this hard and far down, but i'll just ahve to learn, like everyone else does. The last time I fell like this and was left reeleing from the most unexpected break-up / rejection was when i was 13 years old - funny, becuase while trying to comes to terms with this i realised how similar that boyfriend and this man are so similar and how the nature of the break-up was so similar ... they both left me when things got too hot to handle.

Perhaps they never really wanted to be involved with me - somehow I don't believe thats true. My sweetheart at 13 sought me out when I didn't even have a clue he existed (being 3 years older, one of the most popular guys in the school which i only found out afterwards, and having just arrived in high school there was no way i was considering even being noticed!) .... he left me the day he arrived back from veldschool. i know he gave into peer pressure from his friends - he got scared and fled - his insecurity got the better of him, the stupidity in all of this is that he never kept his eyes off me all the time after that. I wrote to him just before I left the school to make peace and his reply made it clear that i was never forgotten .... well, the dear man in my present time i know had a girlfriend in Israel who he apprently never planned to stay committed to (but wasn't straight up with her from the beginning), so when she started to pressure he broke it off and went on his planned trip through Africa..... partnering with a woman that lived as a loner just as he does - no need for committment emotionally, just materially .... and then i came along and upturned everything ... and then i questioned and pressured because what i saw was not what was being protrayed to the outside world. And when it just got too hot, he fled. Yet he kept coming back all the times I tried to leave in the first place - but he won't see this. He's just like the insecure boyfriend from my teens - scared to face his inner world, perhaps becuase its a place he knows he'll never have control over and its too much not knowing what he'll find therein.

I still maintain this is how it is. I wouldn't be so sore if he didn't matter to me, and so the state of his heart..... there cannot be a bigger kind of love. If only he'd let himself love the same......

Quote of the Day

Posted: 03 Oct 2008 06:21 AM CDT

Paulo Coelho

The Man who defends his friends is never overwhelmed by the storms of life;
he is strong enough to come through difficulties and carry on.
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)

 

.... and further, there is co-dependency.

It's so subtle that it appears as if there is nothing wrong, no insecurities and neediness....but i have now experienced too many relationships where each time i have thought myself to be the one needing security, the weak one, the one neeidng to depend on the other for support - but always, always my partner who appeared so strong and in control was in fact the one depending on me the most ... how silly. Again, I fooled myself. And as i stand back i can see how scared of his own emotions he is, so much so that he has grown the thickest skin i have ever encountered - and yet, he was the most timid, sensitive man when spending time quietly with me. I thought i was the one who had to be looked after and protected, but in reality i was the supporter, the carrier ..... again, I lived out the role bewteen my mother and I - she was the child, and i the mother.

The flip side of Innocence

No matter how old we may be, we can never underestimate the power of the dynamics and so influence and impact that our relationship with our parents will continue to have on all our intimate relationships in the future. We will always continue to simulate our mother and/or father's relationships with us - and that they had between them - over and over until we have a clear understanding of how they have affected us - only at this point will we be able to conciously choose the nature of future intimate relationships that WE want to have - and not a reconstruction of what our parents thought and set up for us - and so not a fulfilling of a prophecy of who they thought (and probably still think) we are, instead we get the chance to create who we are for ourself, free of other people's perceptions - our intimate relationships are an extension of this, an extension of us. They reflect the deeper essence and colour of our own individual nature and provide a space for us to creatively explore and express who we are for ourself .... but it takes conscious efforts to unravel the patterns engrained by our upbringing, for here was our first naive contact with what a close and personal relationship could look like. As a child we think this to be the only way - it takes courage to walk away from what we know and have always thought to be the Truth, and venture into something that we don't know at all just so that we can give ourself the chance to discover something that is truely our own, on our own terms, and not merely another reaction to our past.

Looking closely at the nature and patterns of earlier past relationships, they would probably all be a simulation of and reflect similar dynamics or reactions to our connections to our parents.

So, the quesion now is, have you truely freed yourself from your parents? Our do their ghosts still haunt you in your current space of intimacy?

Paulo Coehlo .....

Posted: 25 Sep 2008 07:04 AM CDT

Another of your wisdoms says that it has a prize not to live one’s dreams. But a dream could be nice just as it is, don’t you think? Must all dreams come true? Sex fantasies, for instance, aren’t they often best as just fantasies?

You are always paying a price either you fulfill or not your dream. I can’t possibly pose as a judge and say which types of dreams should or shouldn’t be fulfilled. I merely acknowledge that when you go after your dream – meaning what gives you the feeling of truly being alive – you are facing risks and you certainly pay a price. The same applies for those who choose to pass their dreams under silence.

Many fool themselves thinking that not fulfilling their dreams will have no consequences… Maybe not for others, but there always remains a scar in the soul.

 

The place we desire

Posted: 25 Sep 2008 07:07 AM CDT

Paulo Coelho

A friend came to wait on our table - at a café in San Diego, California. I had met Cláudia in Brazil four years previously, and tell my friends about her life in the USA: she only sleeps for three hours, since she works in the café till late, and is a babysitter throughout the day.

"I don’t know how she can stand it," one of them says.

"There’s a Buddhist story about a turtle," replies an Argentinian woman at our table.

"It was crossing a swamp, covered in mud, when it passed a temple. There it saw the shell of a turtle - all adorned with gold and precious stones.

"I don’t envy you, ancient friend," thought the turtle. "You’re covered in jewels, but I’m doing what I want."

 

We All Have a Tender Spot that's Raw and We Try to Hide ...

In the Tokyo subway

Posted: 24 Sep 2008 05:14 AM CDT

By Paulo Coelho

Terry Dobson was traveling on the Tokyo subway when a drunk got on and began to insult all the passengers.

Dobson, who had studied martial arts for some years, challenged the man.

"What do you want?" asked the drunk.

Dobson got ready to attack him. Just then, an old man sitting on one of the seats shouted: "Hey!"

"I’ll beat the foreigner, then I’ll beat you!" said the drunk.

"I like to drink, too," said the old man. "I sit every afternoon with my wife, and we drink sake. Are you married?"

The drunk was confused, and replied: "I have no wife, I have no one. I’m just so terribly ashamed."

The old man asked the drunk to sit beside him. By the time Dobson got off, the man was in tears.

 

Quote of the Day

Posted: 24 Sep 2008 05:13 AM CDT

By Paulo Coelho

The warrior of light calmly goes to his sacred place and puts on the cloack of faith.
Faith parries all blows.
Faith transforms poison into pure water.
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)

"... A strong woman must be like the willow tree - while she bends to
the wild and wicked ways of life she will endure."

SYLVIA - Bryce Courtenay

The third cardinal virtue: Love

The third cardinal virtue:Love
	According to the dictionary: from the Latin amor: strong affection that drives us towards the object of our desires; inclination of the soul and heart; affection; passion; exclusive inclination; theological grace. In the New Testament: So faith, hope and love endure. These are the great three, and the greatest of them is love. (Corinthians 13:13) According to etymology: the Greeks had three words to designate love: Eros, Philos and Agape. Eros is the healthy love between two persons that justifies life and perpetuates the human race. Philos is the sentiment that we dedicate to our friends. Finally, Agape, which contains both Eros and Philos, goes far beyond "liking" someone. Agape is total love, the love that devours those who feel it. For Catholics, this was the love that Jesus felt for humanity, and it was so great that it shook the stars and changed the course of the history of men. Those who know and feel Agape realize that nothing else in this world has any importance, only loving. For Oscar Wilde: Yet each man kills the thing he loves  By each let this be heard,  Some do it with a bitter look,  Some with a flattering word,  The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! (Ballad of Reading Jail, 1898) In a late 19th century sermon: Pour your love generously on the poor, which is easy; and on the rich, who distrust everybody and cannot see the love that they so need. And on your neighbor – which is very difficult, because it is towards him that we are most selfish. Love. Never lose a chance to give joy to your neighbor, because you will be the first to benefit from this – even if nobody knows what you are doing. The world around you will become happier, and things will become easier for you. I am in this world living the present. Any good thing that I can do, or any happiness that I can bring to others, please tell me. Don't let me put things off or forget, because I shall never live this moment again. (Henry Drummond The Supreme Gift, [1851-1897]) In an e-mail received by the author: "While I kept my heart to myself, I never had a single morning of anguish or a single night of insomnia. Since I fell in love, my life has been a sequence of anguish, losses, confusion. I think that God, by using love, managed to hide hell in the middle of Paradise" (C.A., 23/11/2006) For science: In the year 2000, researchers Andreas Bartels and Semir Zeki, of University College in London, located the areas of the brain activated by romantic love by using a series of students who claimed to be madly in love. In the first place, they concluded that the zones affected by the sentiment are far smaller than they had imagined, and are the same as those activated by stimuli of euphoria, such as in using cocaine, for example. Which led the authors to conclude that love is similar to the manifestation of physical dependence provoked by drugs. Also using the same system of scanning the brain, scientist Helen Fisher, of Rutgers University, concludes that three characteristics of love (sex, romanticism and mutual dependence) stimulate different areas of the cortex, and further conclude that we can be in love with one person, want to make love to another, and live with a third. For a poet: Love possesses nothing and does not want to be possessed, because it is enough in itself. It will make you grow, and then throw you on the ground. It will whip you so that you feel your impotence, it will shake you to rid you of all your impurities. It will crush you to leave you flexible. And then it will toss you in the fire so that you can become the blessed bread to be served at God's sacred feast (The Prophet, by Khalil Gibran [1883-1931]) (next Warrior of Light Online Wisdom)

Unto One's Self Be True

So if it was so perfect within, why then did you go in searching for something, without?

 

I still truly believe that when one feels unfulfilled, we will always go in search to find a way to be full again ….

I've had numerous arguments with this person around reason versus intuition, and every time he seems to disagree that its a stable and grounded foundation on which to base deicisons, perspectives and so on ... my argument is that its not something that one jumps to in a split second, intuion is a force, an insight that moves from deep within, in the pit of your stomach and gently makes you aware of its presence -and then ENCOURAGES you to allow it to move and expand some more - over time .... far too many I believe see this force as whimsical, if anyhting I believe it to be far more superior to reason - reason is man - intuiton is Life force, Life force is greater than us...... (but as always, humans are scared of that which they are not in control of, whihc they cannot see, and have to fully trust without knowing whether its really there or not ... I guess the same goes for Love - now thats where I freeze from petrification!) .... Anyway, here's something that came in last night after much confusion, twisting, turning, losing hope, reigniting hope, asking for signs, and still loving despite this all ... this has been my greatest love .... but where to now? I know I cannot replace this one, and I DON'T WANT to.

Quote of the Day
Posted: 10 Sep 2008 05:53 AM CDT
By Paulo Coelho

Whenever we need to make an important decision,it is best to trust impulse and passion,because reason usually tries to remove us from our dream,saying that the time is not yet right.Reason is afraid of defeat,but intuition enjoys life and its challenges.

(Acceptance speech delivered to the Brazilian Academy of Letters)

Paulo Coelho's Blog

This will pass

Posted: 10 Sep 2008 05:55 AM CDT
By Paulo Coelho

The Sufi tradition tells the story of a king who was surrounded by wise men. One morning, as they talked, the king was quieter than usual.
"What is wrong, Your Highness?" - asked one of the wise men.
"I’m confused," replied the king. "At times I am overcome by melancholy, and feel powerless to fulfill my duties. At others, I am dizzy with all power I have. I’d like a talisman to help me be at peace with myself."
The wise men - surprised by such a request - spent long months in discussion. In the end, they went to the king with a gift.
"We have engraved magic words on the talisman. Read them out loud whenever you are too confident, or very sad," they said.
The king looked at the object he had ordered. It was a simple silver and gold ring, but with an inscription:
"This will pass."

ALBUM to Listen to:

"Sensual World" by Kate Bush

Favourite songs .....

• Between a Man and a Woman
• This Woman's Work

Pack My Dream Away

I feel ripped apart when I think of how you gave up on me. Gave up on the beauty that was between us. I'm slowly turning to face the unwalked sands that lie ahead of me... as I turn I'm given a glimpse of why you chose this, resorted to this. As I look back I realise you spoke the words from the beginning, gave up from the beginning already .... Love shares with me how you've never thought you're good enough for me, that you don't deserve me .....

but I want to tell you that for me it was always very much otherwise. And it rips me apart as I see this, and slowly pack my dream away.

For U or Me to Understand me?

"An Unquiet Mind"

by Kay Redfield Jamison

(a note to anyone to read this book, including me ... )

Quote.

Charles Darwin

"It is not the strongest of the species who survive, not the most intelligent, but those who are the most adaptive to change."

Being BIPOLAR

BIPOLAR

Perhaps in a world that is run and authorized by the human nature – a nature that is not always aware of its own shortness in consciousness, and lacks the ability to be real with itself, we have 3 types of people…(possibly for those in transition between one space and another).

The first would be the mainstream, those that plod through life –and see it as the beginning and end. That what is, is, that they have no control over it, and that the meaning of life is to settle, get married, have babies and then die – and that all the other little extras are what come with this. The purpose in life is to focus on their dreams, the house of their dreams, the career of their dreams – but all dreams being physical and of this life – nothing beyond.

Then there would be those that are referred to as lunatics, the absolute extremes whose thoughts and mental wanderings take them to places that the first group cannot come to terms with and refuse to consider, and comprehend. They get hospitalized and locked away for fear of how they may contagiously “inflict” their thoughts upon the innocent young ones. This group tend to reflect that part of human nature that is obscene and macabre, but that in fact exists in all of us. Perhaps their purpose is to remind all of us of a part of who we are – that we are in fact made up of multiple fragments and that this does (whether we like it or not) make up one of those fragments – which come together to make us whole. … yet the first type are in denial about this.

And then there are the real.
Those that function in society but have been and perhaps just touched on the side of the second. They know what the human disposition is capable of – what it is really made up of – all three components. There is also an awareness of life beyond the limitations of this mortal physical existence. Somehow I see myself falling into this third, and last group. The difficulty comes in that this last type of person sees (without being told) which group people fall into, upon first meeting them. There is a deep level of understanding in how their psychology works, and a compassion around this. Yet there is also a fear as this last type of person acknowledges that they too carry all of the rest in them as well. After conversing with a friend yesterday, I realize that person’s suffering from bipolar probably all have a far more real perspective on human nature, human existence and life – and through their own severe and abysmal suffering have learned the absolute necessity to be REAL in all of this – to be REAL in who they are in their relations with the world outside of them whether that be one-on-one REALNESS with a person, or a collective group – to not be, to keep pretending, remaining in denial, and making as if all is well and fine, is just not worth it. It wastes one’s energy, one’s mind, one’s heart, one’s soul. And therefore one’s Life. …. And it seems that it would be this type of person that would actually be able to relate to all other groups as above in a real, non-judgemental way – because they’ve been there, they’ve worn all the dis/guises and have suffered through the lessons in how to discard them.

In further conversing I understood that our sensitivity in experiencing life is so finely tuned, and that it is in fact far beyond mosts ability of comprehension, and far out of other's reference points - their archives of experience just don't have that extreme of "stories" to refer back to. She spoke of her sensitivity to temperature change. And then asked me "aren't your eyes sensitive to light?" At first I didn't understand why she asked this, and then realised she was wearing sunglasses, and I was not. What I did respond with is how I want to climb the walls in my work office because at times the sensorial stimuli is just too much - the sounds, the sensations of people walking on the wooden floorboards, the lack of sunshine onto my skin - it gets to me, in a big way. .... and then we spoke of being real - for once it was another bringing this up - and not me. That was such a relief for me. The fact that I am not an alien to this century of humanity, that I am not alone, but in fact that there is someone who has reached the same conclusions as me. Who no longer wishes to bullshit herself (and I myself) with pretending all is well and fine, in our job, that we gripe and moan about day in and day out, that the marriage / relationship we're in is the one and that we're content in, yet we spend more of our time at work and out of the house than with our so-called "loved one" and most of the time are not even present to what they're doing nor the company they keep and the worst, is not knowing what their inner reality is and knowing what is going on in there or at least being let into their inner world by them and vice verse, that the person we are in our life is who we like to be, yet when we're alone with ourself we cannot stand to keep our own company and hide away with books and computers and drinks or shopping, that when we're left with nothing else to do but to stare into the landscape around us we cannot be with the true emotions that suddenly surface without our permission .... all becuase we don't know how to be REAL. She spoke of being real and I hugged her - I wanted to cry from shere relief. Because she gave me the space to be real too, with her, and with me.

(07th September 2008)

Missing ...

I miss my Best Friend, so very much. I haven't understood why all the
restless aching, until today. Its the pain of loss - the same as that
of my sister... He was with me for just mere momemts at a time. The
man I love let his soul live through into this world for those brief
moments, and it was then that my Best Friend was with me. I didn't
realise it then, only today. I don't know the person whose been living
as him over the past few days, I'm not sure I want to. ... I just miss
my friend, his soul is the other half of me, and I knowI cannot fill that space myself, its not mine to fill - its there waiting for him, because its his. I know that as things stand now, and at the rate he is not moving (humanly) I won't get the chance to see the rest of this life through with him, to share my life with him physically in it - the split between his soul and his human self is just too vast (and I know his soul and body struggle with one another right now). HE is larger than life, but his human heart and mind is just too scared to let him breathe fully with all that is him into this life. ... after today, I know now that we can connect, despite his body, bypassing his blocking mind and walls, in the realsm of the unseen and the intangible - and I'm not even sure if his physical self is even aware of this! I suspect not, judging from what I have been witness too of late. But his soul - my Best Friend (ever) - he's let me know he's there, he's just very hidden. ....

.... and I miss him - he's just stuck behind the bars of human masks and walls, human insecurities and self-denials. And I realise his human self may never let him out.

Stop behaving so childishly, it doesn't suit you.

Reacting to what I do,

because you cannot bare to be alone

will get you nowhere

it will keep you just where you are right now

and where you've been for all this time.

Are you happy being a slave to reactions?

what of your own creative choice?

does that not inspire you more?

but then you need to take me out of the equation - completely

and focus only on what it is that you need to do

for you

if you're ever going to get this right

I do not need a ripple reaction everytime I go away

stop being so childish

and find another way

to find yourself.

A Little Hermit Crab

You've been likened to a hermit crab

the small and timid little creature

who ventures out - feet first

into the big wide world

too scared to expose all what you are

creeping out, and just as suddenly

scuttling back in

for fear

for what might happen

I used to be like you

but now I am a gecko

I am curious

and explore the walls of existence

nearing close to others

out of a need to touch

with them

and be touched back

to be fed water

for my thristy spirit

yet my skin is still so thin

like a sheet of rice paper

that can be torn

with ease

i know this, and yet

I want to stay as a gecko

I also get so very scared,

just like you

I know this too,

but I like my paper-thin skin

and how intensely and richly

I can experience, feel, absorb

all of life

I invite you to come out

and experience the world with me -

little bit by little bit

you sometimes peak out

and I can see what you REALLY look like

(and not see what you let everyone else see -

a shell, with a voice echoing mysteriously from it)

... but rather I get to see YOU

You,

in all your timidness, and sensitivity

in all your gentle ways

and curiosity

with all your child-like intrigue

Why? I wonder

do you not want to be this all the time?

Its so much more fun

and you get to feel the warmth of the sun,

called Love and Life

on your spiritual skin...

come out and venture with me ...

like the child you used to be............. please.

Knowing One's Self

"If the man who I have allowed into the deepest chambers of my heart, still questions being with me - then he does not deserve me.

For this clearly shows that he does not yet know himself, and therefore know his heart and the dreams that lie therein. ... only a man who has ventured into his own vulnerability to know his real emotion and feeling, and has the ability to be present with this part of him, knows himself,

and only then will have the sight to truely see me, and know what an extraordinary and extreme gift it will be, to be with me, and me with him."

- Angela

Words that Soothe and Guide

THE ZAHIR

Paulo Coehlo

'No, I can't think like that. If I behave in the way people expect me to behave, I will become their slave. It requires enormous self-control not to succumb, because our natural tendency is to want to please, even if the person to be pleased is us. If I do that, I will lose not only Esther, but Marie, my work, my future, as well as any respect I have for myself and for what I have said and written.'

'Nineteen Minutes' - Jodi Picoult

"... dispensing justice was really more about being present and
engaged than anything else - ... "

Chinese Proverb ...

'If we don't change the direction we are headed,

we will end up where we are going.'

......."Gilgulim - גילגולים - means Reincarnation"

" .... it derives its meaning from the hebrew word GAL גל which means to reveal or unhide; the doubling up of the word גלגל implies in the word Gilgulim Reincarnations that we need to unveil and reveal the hidden meanings of life in this physical world, in spiritual world and from a previous lifetime."

Alone until the Other Arrives ...

Aloneness ... and then the dilemma of the emptiness and the void ... and I as I grapple with this, I get the following, as I struggle to find peace in myself, as I start thinking that i'm believing in a phantom, a fantasy of my own making .... then I get this, so what do I do, pick myself up from this "trip and fall" and keep walking this lone path? My deepest heart's desire? where when I ask my heart what is missing and I think perhaps that I am not doing enough - that the final answer I fall back on, that I always fall back on is the searching, the waiting, the aching, the

space that I cannot fill myself ..... perhaps, what I need to do and learn here this time round is the art of patience, that this will come, in its time, but for now to be at peace with the waiting ......

"The Soulmate"

Talmud (Sotah 2a) teaches that "destiny" has designated each and every individual with a soulmate. The "soulmate" is actually the other half of a person. With ones soulmate one is wholesome, without it one is void and empty. With ones "soulmate" comes a "package" of a home to live in and profession/job and purpose in life.
The spiritual and physical energy of planet earth resonates to the number TWO, everything on our planet comes in pairs. The Earth itself is paired with the Moon, the identity of the Earth needs the Moon to exist both physically and spiritually, in the renewal of energies monthly and daily tidal flows, as the magnetic pull of the Moons energy causes high and low tides - the Earth needs CHANGE to exist.
The emphasis and importance of finding ones true soulmate is the key to success in life. The two halves that make the whole, once together one can lead a fulfilling and purposeful life of "destiny". Having the "wrong half" means one does not have ones soulmate hence one does not have "the key of life" to fulfill ones true destined purpose in life.

The purpose of the "soulmate" is to make a person feel wholesome with LOVE and enable one to accomplish the mission and purpose of life through physical, sexual and spiritual LOVE energy. Everything constructive and good in this life is only created through LOVE. Only through the loving energy created together with ones soulmate creates the perfect energy to live, bringing meaning to everything in ones life.

(http://www.gilgulim.com/whosoulmate.html)

... I think I can breathe a little easier now...there's nothing wrong with me, I just haven't found my other half yet ... I'll learn the art of patience, and patiently wait.....

By Paulo Coelho

The roller-coaster is my life;
life is a fast, dizzying game;
life is a parachute jump;
it’s taking chances, falling over
and getting up again;
it’s mountaineering;
it’s wanting to get to the very top of yourself
and feeling angry and dissatisfied
when you don’t manage it.

(Eleven Minutes)

He Kisses Me ...

Life kisses me
like a Lover does
softly
like a whisper
a caress across the cheek
almost imperceptible
and yet still very much there
and folds me into His arms
that safety space where strength stands guard
as tenderness does its job inside
His masculine side
holding me
forever, for as long as I need
As a Lover would -
He consoles me
His Love
Deepest Love
wanting to be everything that he can for Her
and wondering if what he is
is enough

... and hoping
with all his heart
with all his Being
that it is,
that he is....

...and while doing this,
he keeps whispering over and over
that I am always enough,
and always have been...

And so who do I want to be? ...

In Moses’ footsteps
Posted: 25 Aug 2008 06:59 AM CDT
By Paulo Coelho

Rabbi Zuya wanted to discover the mysteries of life. He therefore resolved to imitate the life of Moses.
For years, he tried to behave like the prophet - without ever achieving the results he hoped for. One night, tired of so much study, he fell into a deep sleep.
God appeared in his dream:
- Why are you so upset, my son? - He asked.
- My days on Earth will end, and I am still so far from being like Moses - answered Zuya.
- If I needed another Moses, I’d have already created him - said God. - When you come before me for judgment, I will not ask whether you were a good Moses, but who you were. Try and be a good Zuya.

Do You ....?

I wonder if you still see me
and when you don't if the aches sets in

does a space exist where I once did
that cannot right now be filled
that just is
and that you have to just be with
and are you with it

When I move past your line of vision
do you hear an echo of what was
a yearning for what could have been
and the pain of now what is not
when you stare at the blue of my eyes
of what do you think
what stirs you within

does your chest tighten
and do you notice
that your breathing shallows
and that your heart is sad
with missing
with sadness
with disapointment

did you love
like never before
and do you push that knowing
that reality away
as you've said you do
when the emotions set in
or just this once
could you stop and turn
and face
the love that perhaps you felt
one you possibly have never felt before
does this love still linger
with nowhere to go
and how
pray tell
do you let it and you be
side-by-side
moment-by-moment

do you still love as deeply
and wonder "where to from here"
?



do you struggle

The Ache Within

So the pain is very much there, very much present with me the whole day through, it was here yesterday as well. I'm breathing and doing my best to be with it, to carry it with me, not ignore it, and to let it hold me back too - although sometimes I forget. And I keep reminding myself to be gentle and kind to myself (as Michael said to be with one's self - he's such an angel). I also keep reminding myself to keep my heart open, that despite everything, if anything I have the biggest heart, the biggest love, and that to be able to have accessed this extent of one's self is the most precious thing in all of life - I am so very sad, so I just keep gently whispering all of this back to myself. .... will I find my way through, I'm not sure. I'm never sure when these spaces arrive. So I trust that this time Life will carry me through to a better place, a peaceful place, and that I won't have to go through this yet again ... these times always tire me out so very much ....

.... and the hardest is that I can't say out loud how I'm really feeling. That, I think is the hardest part of all.

The Call

I have heard it all my life,

A voice calling a name I recognized as my own.
Sometimes it comes as a soft-bellied whisper.

Sometimes it holds an edge of urgency.
But always it says: Wake up my love. You are walking asleep.

There's no safety in that!
Remember what you are and let this knowing take you home to the Beloved with every breath.
Hold tenderly who you are and let a deeper knowing colour the shape of your humanness.
There is no where to go. What you are looking for is right here.

Open the fist clenched in wanting and see what you already hold in your hand.
There is no waiting for something to happen, no point in the future to get to.

All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now.
You are wearing yourself out with all this searching.

Come home and rest.
How much longer can you live like this? Your hungry spirit is gaunt, your heart stumbles.

All this trying. Give it up!
Let yourself be one of the God-mad, faithful only to the Beauty you are.
Let the Lover pull you to your feet and hold you close, dancing even when fear urges you to sit this one out.
Remember-

there is one word you are here to say with your whole being. When it finds you, give your life to it.

Don't be tight-lipped and stingy.
Spend yourself completely on the saying. Be one word in this great love poem we are writing together.

(© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Call,

Harper Collins, 2003)

I started reading The Call again last night .... as always I have to wait until I am ready for the teaching ... so now I get to learn to Trust in Life again - and so the Divine - and that I am being taken care of (and always have been) .... I am getting to face my deepest fear of life.

Question ?

So my question is this - how to know when you are okay and enough -
that Life accepts you ... How do you know when to stop trying and just
fall into being without feeling guilt and blame, instead a deep sense
of acceptance for yourself and how you're doing life ... Is this still
living consciously and awake and with truth? ... How to feel you're
living truthfully, and flowing like water in each present .... how?

.......

"Sometimes when the people you thought believed implicitally in you, you realise don't , or seem to have forgotten.... we have to find the courage to keep walking alone and to keep believeing in our own self ... for me, that's now."

...and just perhaps, you are my resistance, and I AM growing - even when I think I have lost my way, I get disheartened, I try and reach for you to better understand you, but in fact this friction teaches me more about me, encourages me to stand my ground and not lose hope in who I am, and that maybe I'm not meant to understand you and I'm vesting my energy in something / someone that I'm not meant to .... that then must be the blessing in all of this (its just one in disguise).

.... I just want you to also be the best you can be, but until you start with yourself and give your self the chance to do this, you will never create the space for other's to do the same ... the role of a leader is a hard one, that seems in my experience to get harder and harder, but what I realised last night in talking to a wise old friend, that the resistance must match the growth - in order to continue to allow us to build in strength .... I want you to see what you are capable of being, and I truely believe you choose not to see this out of fear, fear of failure? fear of being alone? But you are this already! .... I want you to be your best ... for you.

I've been watching from a distance and I know you are not in a good space ... I suspected / sensed this was so, even as I sit here in another city 1000 km's away ....

... and yet, you let no-one near you. I know I am the last person you want to have be concerned for you. I understand that, but it doesn't change the nature of my heart - and what lies therein.

you call me defensive and say I stick my claws out - yes I do...and perhaps I have learning to do there. No matter if I am scared or not, I will look.....

I watch you from a distance and I see you are not well, you hide behind your well-articulated, clinically business words ... and push me further and further and further away ... I won't say that it doesn't hurt. If it didn't I know that I don't care for you as deeply as I do - it would be neither here nor there....the fact that it does, that it causes that deep ache in my chest, and sadness in the pit of my stomach, as I watch you isolate yourself from those around you more and more, confirms that you are special to me. That has not changed. The words you send my way, so surgically sterile and clean, so perfectly sentenced together, show me that perhaps we have reached the end of the road and that our mutual learnings through one another will be very hard from this time on - until we fully part. That does not make for easy swallowing - I am tense and apprehensive as I know the possibility of a stormy keeping of professional company looms up ahead in the nearest future.

My words have been harsh, crisp, cutting toward you - and as I try to understand what my intention has been behind that I hope within myself that as I look there I will find that it was driven only by a deep concern, but I think I must admit that along with that is an anger of seeing you hurt yourself and my knowing there is nothing I can do about it, and so there is also frustration and disappointment as I see that I must continue to let go, let you be that rock you ascribed yourself to be like, the space where you are now, and I must walk my path with "watching from a distance" being my only connection to you.... I can do this, I know that, and only because I am learning more and more that that is the ultimate nature of love.

Paulo Coehlo's Quote of the Day

Suffering,

if confronted without fear,

is the great passport to freedom.

(Eleven Minutes)

Perhaps my greatest guide of them all:


"The first cardinal virtue: Faith"

According to the dictionary: from the Latin word fide: confidence; religious belief; conviction with regard to someone or something; firmness in fulfilling a commitment; credit; intention; theological virtue.

According to Jesus Christ: The apostles said to the Lord, “Give us more faith.” And the Lord said: “If your faith is as big as a mustard seed, you could have said to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and planted in the sea,’ and it would have obeyed you!” (Luke, 17: 5-6)

According to Buddhism: “We are what we think. Through thought we build and destroy the world.
“We are what we think. Your imagination can do more harm than your worst enemy.

“But once you control your thoughts, no-one can help you so much, not even your father or your mother.” (Extract from Dhammapada, a collection of some of Buddha’s principal teachings)

For Islam: “How do we purify the world?” asked a disciple.

Ibn al-Husayn replied: “There was a sheik in Damascus called Abu Musa al-Qumasi. Everyone honored him for his wisdom, but no-one knew if he was a good man. One afternoon a flaw in construction caused the house where the sheik lived with his wife to fall down. In despair, the neighbors began to dig among the ruins. After a while they managed to locate the wife.
“She said: ‘Leave me. First save my husband, who was sitting more or less over there.’ The neighbors removed the debris from the place she had pointed to and found the sheik, who said: ‘Leave me. First save my wife, who was lying down more or less over there.’

“When someone acts like this couple, they are purifying the whole world through their faith in life and love.”

.....soothing words that sound so similar, yet are not mine .... but just keep reminding me over and over of my own nature and image, remind me of who I am and want to continue to be ... and to keep writing this from my heart - to keep speaking and spilling out my heart's deepest desires ....

http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/dreams.html

The Four Invisible Forces

love

death

power

time

they are separate from us, but exist beside us as they guide us toward and through each of our lessons, each moment of our existence ....

.... as I read about them now, I understand their intangibleness as if I can indeed touch them, I see them soar alongside me as I continue to journey higher and higher

and I hear the Songlines of Life sing through me, a single chord - so crystal and clear and pure and charming in sound - from the bottom of my body all way the through to the top of me - the origin of creation, or spirit, of soul

.... I haven't heard and felt the Song of Life for a long time now - too long - its good to be home....

...Quote ...

We go out into the world in search of our dreams and ideals.

Often we store away in some inaccessible place what is already there within reach of our hands.

(Maktub)

by Paulo Coehlo

The Rock ...... (a Natural Symbol)

"From the height of the Mountains, we now concentrate on their building blocks : the rocks.
Rocks, given their solidity, are often symbols of eternity. And given that they alter less perceptibly than other physical manifestations, they are often taken as divine symbols. The mightiest examples of this are Menhirs and dolmens.
In India, rocks that would emerge from the top of the mountains are considered as the lingams of Shiva , whilst in ancient China, to draw rocks would represent long life according to the yang principle (whilst to draw waterfalls would be associated with the yin principle).
In Judaism the block of stone placed as the altar of the temple is considered to be the middle of the equator and thus as the origin of the world.
But the rock “on the rough”can also be pictured in certain sects as the novice that still has to pass through many phases before becoming a “sculpted” rock, in which the tradition will carve it’s teachings.In this sense then the rocks is the symbol of potentialities - of the qualities inherent to a person but not yet manifest.The rock waits then to be transformed and is considered as a path looking for it’s destination."

..... and just as I think I am again alone in my understanding and experience of life .... that I again have lost the plot, I go back to the beginning of when I started to awaken and the source that guided me and read what it was and still is I assume, that drives her to write and live and be as she does ... and in her drive to not give up, to keep searching and holding onto that which she cannot see, but that she just KNOWS to be true, because she has come to comprhend that the truth lies in the unseen, the intangible, the unexplainable, all that seems to be ciondemned and criticised for not following reason and logic into physical form - that nothing less than this is real, anything else is illusion ... it is here that I hear my voice, that voice that calls me gently into the right direction when I lose my way, it is here that I find myself once again ... and here that I will renew and replenish my reserves and continue with my journey, staying true to my heart, my soul, my identity, even when the world refuses to understand me and what it is I am looking for .....

http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

Oriah Mountain Dreamer's "Opening The Invitation"