Missing ...

I miss my Best Friend, so very much. I haven't understood why all the
restless aching, until today. Its the pain of loss - the same as that
of my sister... He was with me for just mere momemts at a time. The
man I love let his soul live through into this world for those brief
moments, and it was then that my Best Friend was with me. I didn't
realise it then, only today. I don't know the person whose been living
as him over the past few days, I'm not sure I want to. ... I just miss
my friend, his soul is the other half of me, and I knowI cannot fill that space myself, its not mine to fill - its there waiting for him, because its his. I know that as things stand now, and at the rate he is not moving (humanly) I won't get the chance to see the rest of this life through with him, to share my life with him physically in it - the split between his soul and his human self is just too vast (and I know his soul and body struggle with one another right now). HE is larger than life, but his human heart and mind is just too scared to let him breathe fully with all that is him into this life. ... after today, I know now that we can connect, despite his body, bypassing his blocking mind and walls, in the realsm of the unseen and the intangible - and I'm not even sure if his physical self is even aware of this! I suspect not, judging from what I have been witness too of late. But his soul - my Best Friend (ever) - he's let me know he's there, he's just very hidden. ....

.... and I miss him - he's just stuck behind the bars of human masks and walls, human insecurities and self-denials. And I realise his human self may never let him out.