The first would be the mainstream, those that plod through life –and see it as the beginning and end. That what is, is, that they have no control over it, and that the meaning of life is to settle, get married, have babies and then die – and that all the other little extras are what come with this. The purpose in life is to focus on their dreams, the house of their dreams, the career of their dreams – but all dreams being physical and of this life – nothing beyond.
Then there would be those that are referred to as lunatics, the absolute extremes whose thoughts and mental wanderings take them to places that the first group cannot come to terms with and refuse to consider, and comprehend. They get hospitalized and locked away for fear of how they may contagiously “inflict” their thoughts upon the innocent young ones. This group tend to reflect that part of human nature that is obscene and macabre, but that in fact exists in all of us. Perhaps their purpose is to remind all of us of a part of who we are – that we are in fact made up of multiple fragments and that this does (whether we like it or not) make up one of those fragments – which come together to make us whole. … yet the first type are in denial about this.
And then there are the real.
Those that function in society but have been and perhaps just touched on the side of the second. They know what the human disposition is capable of – what it is really made up of – all three components. There is also an awareness of life beyond the limitations of this mortal physical existence. Somehow I see myself falling into this third, and last group. The difficulty comes in that this last type of person sees (without being told) which group people fall into, upon first meeting them. There is a deep level of understanding in how their psychology works, and a compassion around this. Yet there is also a fear as this last type of person acknowledges that they too carry all of the rest in them as well. After conversing with a friend yesterday, I realize that person’s suffering from bipolar probably all have a far more real perspective on human nature, human existence and life – and through their own severe and abysmal suffering have learned the absolute necessity to be REAL in all of this – to be REAL in who they are in their relations with the world outside of them whether that be one-on-one REALNESS with a person, or a collective group – to not be, to keep pretending, remaining in denial, and making as if all is well and fine, is just not worth it. It wastes one’s energy, one’s mind, one’s heart, one’s soul. And therefore one’s Life. …. And it seems that it would be this type of person that would actually be able to relate to all other groups as above in a real, non-judgemental way – because they’ve been there, they’ve worn all the dis/guises and have suffered through the lessons in how to discard them.
In further conversing I understood that our sensitivity in experiencing life is so finely tuned, and that it is in fact far beyond mosts ability of comprehension, and far out of other's reference points - their archives of experience just don't have that extreme of "stories" to refer back to. She spoke of her sensitivity to temperature change. And then asked me "aren't your eyes sensitive to light?" At first I didn't understand why she asked this, and then realised she was wearing sunglasses, and I was not. What I did respond with is how I want to climb the walls in my work office because at times the sensorial stimuli is just too much - the sounds, the sensations of people walking on the wooden floorboards, the lack of sunshine onto my skin - it gets to me, in a big way. .... and then we spoke of being real - for once it was another bringing this up - and not me. That was such a relief for me. The fact that I am not an alien to this century of humanity, that I am not alone, but in fact that there is someone who has reached the same conclusions as me. Who no longer wishes to bullshit herself (and I myself) with pretending all is well and fine, in our job, that we gripe and moan about day in and day out, that the marriage / relationship we're in is the one and that we're content in, yet we spend more of our time at work and out of the house than with our so-called "loved one" and most of the time are not even present to what they're doing nor the company they keep and the worst, is not knowing what their inner reality is and knowing what is going on in there or at least being let into their inner world by them and vice verse, that the person we are in our life is who we like to be, yet when we're alone with ourself we cannot stand to keep our own company and hide away with books and computers and drinks or shopping, that when we're left with nothing else to do but to stare into the landscape around us we cannot be with the true emotions that suddenly surface without our permission .... all becuase we don't know how to be REAL. She spoke of being real and I hugged her - I wanted to cry from shere relief. Because she gave me the space to be real too, with her, and with me.
(07th September 2008)
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