So the pain is very much there, very much present with me the whole day through, it was here yesterday as well. I'm breathing and doing my best to be with it, to carry it with me, not ignore it, and to let it hold me back too - although sometimes I forget. And I keep reminding myself to be gentle and kind to myself (as Michael said to be with one's self - he's such an angel). I also keep reminding myself to keep my heart open, that despite everything, if anything I have the biggest heart, the biggest love, and that to be able to have accessed this extent of one's self is the most precious thing in all of life - I am so very sad, so I just keep gently whispering all of this back to myself. .... will I find my way through, I'm not sure. I'm never sure when these spaces arrive. So I trust that this time Life will carry me through to a better place, a peaceful place, and that I won't have to go through this yet again ... these times always tire me out so very much ....
.... and the hardest is that I can't say out loud how I'm really feeling. That, I think is the hardest part of all.
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