As the inner storm subsides, the waters are so much clearer and I can start to see the horizon and surroundings far more …..and so I see you.

So often I walk away from these sorts of situations battered and bruised thinking I failed, because I could not get you to see what I tried so hard to – and I walk away thinking I am less than what I thought I was, that I missed the plot, missed the point, that somewhere I got lost along the way, that I am the one deeply lacking … and, instead of listening to me I listen to you, and your opinions … but what I forgot, and did so again this time, was that perhaps it was not me on the wrong track, that I was not lost, only confused because I let your lack of trust in me become my lack of trust in me. … through distance I get perspective, and my understanding now is that I couldn’t have been there for you more than what I was, not because I reached my limit, but because of your lack of receiving…. I tried to show you who you really are … I stood for you in every possible way – and came back every time despite my deepest fears, my body telling me your ground is not firm, you still do not know yourself…. (and I know that I still stand for you in my heart, but you need to trip and fall on your own now).

I know I do this every time, and I did it again with you. I know you do not see the whole of me, because you do not see the whole of you. I see the whole of you, and so I can see the whole of me – and this clarity in the waters is what allows me to be where I am now, to be with certainty with myself and my perspectives, that just a day or so ago I undermined …

I hear your criticism and downsizing of people everyday – I’m surprised you haven’t done the same to me more??? And I know this is because of how you undermine yourself, how you guard you run as far as you can from your heart, terrified of what it entails to go searching therein, after all this time – it always “starts at home” – I wish with all my heart that you could find a way to move beyond this and be the soul you’re destined to be – the person I saw from the very beginning, and still sense beyond all the walls, and obstructions and disbeliefs in humanity – but you would need to choose this destiny. If you could move into this direction, you’d move into the possibility that is waiting to be your reality, you’d discover a self that is you that you’ve never known before…..