Fear the soulmate of Love (27th July 2008)

FEAR is the Disguised channel to LOVE .....


So what then is it to be truly content and full from life? What is it then to know life to it depths and to know its every horizon?

I believe it comes from the ability to let go of what we convince ourself is our happiness – its to let go of this and instead to know that we’ve reached every limit, searched in every corner and have tasted every morsel – so that we know every part of ourself, every desire has been tantalised and fed.

I see too many people around me feeding themself this lie – and when I look into their eyes, I know they are sad, that they have not explored every part of themself, every yearning, every pull, every flickering flame that motivates who they are.

And I see too many looking away from the reality of the missing parts, the holes deep within that so desperately want to follow, jump into and be satisfied to the full.

Do we not have a responsibility to do this? You see, when we don’t be true to ourself, we’re not being true those closest to us, nor to Life itself – we pretend that all is well – and then when we go astray we pretend we don’t know why. We use the excuse of riding the wave – but there are different ways of riding the wave, skilfully using the rides own choice of directions to gently steer ourselves, or to submit completely intot he wave itself – I’m not the wave appreciates the weight.

Why lie to one’s self? Why keep the other blinded – because we all know that the other actually knows in their heart what’s really going on – they just don’t want to admit it – so they live in silent suffering, and hold on, submitting themselves and sacrificing themselves – giving up on their own dreams, becoming the other’s servant, subservient in a desperate attempt to hold onto what is no longer there. And we (the one having gone atray) let them carry this burden when it’s not theirs. Out of cowardice and a fear of the Unknown, we too hold onto what we know – even if it is dead, even if the winter has arrived and its time to clean out the closet of the stagnancy – for debris needs another life to start – its where new life breeds from. If we do not throw the old out – it stagnates and causes disease. But throw it out and it becomes compost for new life – we move form the Winter of the soul into its Spring. But rebirth, is the unknown for too many, and so they stay in winter. And ignore life calling them, beckoning them to move into the next season for their life.

I see people too scared to be all of themselves? Why deny your ultimate Self? There is nothing wrong with wanting and dreaming and doing what you need to, to realise it. It’s the only way to ensure that those around us are left happy and fulfilled too – that, in my eyes is love. The courage to face that which no longer is within one’s self, take a stand to change this, and by standing up inspire those closest to us to do the same for themself. This is unconditional love – facing the truth and letting go – so there can be rebirth, new life – unconditional love. In the Zahir, Esther realises this and knows that her marriage has become dead, and harmful (in spirit), so she takes a stand and leaves knowing that to truly be with the man she loves, her spirit needs to discover her love for herself first – she was empty, her reservoir was low and the fire between her and her man was dying. The risk was that their marriage would extinguish, but she knew she had to do something. Her awareness of life was too awake for her to not do something, if she was going to continue to be the person she had been in her life up to that point, she had to face the reality of her life and change it…. He came in search of her, because by her leaving and searching for that fullness of life in her again, by her going in search of who she truly is and had forgotten along the way, she moved beyond the reactionary human way of being, became all of herself and inspired him to do the same – for him. She created space for the both of them to rediscover the people they were when they met – that passion and fiery spirit that had drawn them to one another at the beginning. She found what Love truly is in nature, the strength to let go, in order for the possibility of newness – and ultimately something Greater, beyond what they had experienced up till then…..

To not be true to ourselves and our heart, in a dignified, open and honest way – is to lie to our essential self – and, to leave our loved one’s in an undignified space. If you’re not entirely happy in love, then confront it, face it with tenderness, face the other with tenderness as you confront your reality – which is theirs too. There are many avenues to venture down in the name of honesty and greater possibility.

We all deserve to search and yield the rewards of our searches in the name of honouring our Truth. Its why we are here. Sacrificing ourself does no one any good, it creates resentment, dishonesty and secrets. That is not love, I do not believe, and anyone who professes this is love – and this is what unions with another are about – are sorely lost, confused – or scared to the core that if they were to truly let go in search of what calls in the heart – if they were to let go and let their heart’s current guide them – let go of their “reasonable”, “rational”, controlling mindset (I use inverted commas because I do not believe this is rational or reasonable but the contrary) – and give into their Greater Self, that they’d no longer be in control …. For some reason people use the excuse that this path causes hurt and is selfish – this is where the its all got twisted –THIS is Love, trueness to one’s self at the deepest level, where courage is needed to see and face where we lie to ourself in our life does not cause hurt. It liberates in the most compassionate loveing way, and opens the space for us to really see how we are being to our self, what is not true in our life, and it opens the space for those closest to us to be true to themself as well – and to go in search of their own deep happiness, pursue their REAL dreams, and recognise where they too have been going wrong. Holding onto that which does not exist, but is pretended to be there, is not true – that is illusion. Reality is facing that which IS.

So I discuss this with a friend, I am not sure if he got what I said. He may read this and think I am trying to change his ways, that I’m telling him to leave where he is right now. This is the complete opposite. I want to say that he is not happy where he is. I can see it, and have from the beginning. I know his nature, and I do not see him nourishing himself and who he truly is by his interacting with his loved one – the affection is not there – his passion is dying inside of him, it’s suffocating inside, and I can see his spirit drowning and desperately trying to wake him up. I’ve told him before his cough is because his heart is suffocating inside and he won’t believe me – he said he’s had this for 10 years, well perhaps this is how long he’s been unhappy……If I didn’t care about him, I wouldn’t have said this as frankly to him as I did. I want him to face where he is dishonouring himself and his spirit – and through doing this, dishonouring his relationship. He is hurting his body. And he is eventually going to hurt everybody that he holds deeply in his hurt – only the devastation will be irreparable. (Unfortunately the wiser a person in the ways of Life, the higher the level of responsibility). He does not have a relationship with his partner, but with his work – that is where his fires are stoked, his passions are inspired. What I am saying to him instead is find the courage to face this – in the name of his happiness, and his partner, and the rest of their lives (together or apart) because she deserves to have a new start too, have her passions and fires stoked, feel the exhiliration of a life that is TRULY full – and that she knows is hers, because she created it that way. She truly deserves this – and by him not facing what he is fully aware of, is to hold her back for accomplishing this. It’s easy to keep going from day to day and pretend all is well – but he is hurting himself in the deepest way by doing this. And her by impact – the law of cause and effect – The Ripple Effect. Her heart knows what is going on, she knows he does not love her in that way. So be straight with her, let her decide for herself if this is okay for her if she too wants something more. Perhaps there is a better person for her, and he does not “do” it for her anymore either. What if she does not “adore’ him as he believes her to? We can’t always be so sure. She may adore him to the core, but also feel there is something missing.

To say who we are, is to then LIVE out who we say we are …. Why continue to live is the heart is no longer inspired by the place it is in? If a person has given up on being inspired and have one’s desires fuelled and explored to highest heights, then is that not having given up on life?

I laugh because he tells me despite this discontent, he will stay and pretend all is fine – and yet in the next breath tells me that he cannot make promises and give answers because life is uncertain – change is inevitable. A bit of a contradiction I thin. But actually – it’s a safe excuse. I know he is scared. He is just like the author character in the Zahir, and he said it himself, he’s arrogant because he knows he can have any woman, and that he has never suffered rejection. The character has any woman he wants, but at the end realises that the woman he truly wants is the one that inspires him to be all of himself, the one that challenged him to let go and fall into his fear, that knew him so well and saw he was not living out his destiny – that fear of falling completely in love with another – and knowing the risk of not being able to swim out again.

What I am saying is that he (my friend) has finally come face to face with his deepest fear – of falling - deeply into another only to be rejected. This fear has held him back years ago when he decided to be safe and stable, and rather avoid the risk. Life has brought him full circle with himself – his heart wants him to fall off that cliff, to plunge into the depths of another, to discover himself. Opening all of himself and falling into that abyss of another and all his emotions and feelings. Opening himself to ADORE another – and not to only be the adored. Because the truth is, he’s never really enjoyed the adoration, it’s a disguise he’s used for all the these years to protect himself from suffering the possibilities of adoring another to those depths, and never coming out alive again…..

…. And I know he’s scared that the woman he’s starting to fall for is me.