Wednesday, 30 September 2015

textures and hues

My eyes graze over
and touch
the rough of the wall
of white painted skin
the palette of textures reaching my irises
with feeling

My ears filter
the screeching
scraping
tears of the knives against crockery
with pain

and yet

I muse
how quaint
this place
of textures and hues of character
of sounds
voices
languages
cultures
orientations
smells
tastes

is

I am welcomed

and the screeches reach me no more ...
the textures wash over me like a warm summer breeze ....

Sunday, 5 July 2015

Emotional independence


“At the beginning of our life and again when we get old, we need the help and affection of others. Unfortunately, between these two periods of our life, when we are strong and able to look after ourselves, we don’t appreciate the value of affection and compassion. As our own life begins and ends with the need for affection, wouldn’t it be better if we gave compassion and love to others while we are strong and capable?”The above words were said by the present Dalai Lama. Really, it is very curious to see that we are proud of our emotional independence. Evidently, it is not quite like that: we continue needing others our entire life, but it is a “shame” to show that, so we prefer to cry in hiding. And when someone asks us for help, that person is considered weak and incapable of controlling his feelings.There is an unwritten rule saying that “the world is for the strong”, that “only the fittest survive.” If it were like that, human beings would never have existed, because they are part of a species that needs to be protected for a long period of time (specialists say that we are only capable of surviving on our own after nine years of age, whereas a giraffe takes only six to eight months, and a bee is already independent in less than five minutes). We are in this world, I, for my part, continue – and will always continue – depending on others. I depend on my wife, my friends and my publishers. I depend even on my enemies, who help me to be always trained in the use of the sword. Clearly, there are moments when this fire blows in another direction, but I always ask myself: where are the others? Have I isolated myself too much? Like any healthy person, I also need solitude and moments of reflection. But I cannot get addicted to that. Emotional independence leads to absolutely nowhere – except to a would-be fortress, whose only and useless objective is to impress others. Emotional dependence, in its turn, is like a bonfire that we light. In the beginning, relationships are difficult. In the same way that fire is necessary to put up with the disagreeable smoke – which makes breathing hard, and causes tears to pour down one’s face. However, once the fire is alight, the smoke disappears and the flames light up everything around us – spreading warmth, calm, and possibly making an ember pop out to burn us, but that is what makes a relationship interesting, isn’t that true?I began this column quoting a Nobel Peace Prize winner about the importance of human relationships. I am ending with Professor Albert Schweitzer, physician and missionary, who received the same Nobel prize in 1952."All of us know a disease in Central Africa called sleeping sickness. What we need to know is that there is a similar disease that attacks the soul – and which is very dangerous, because it catches us without being noticed. When you notice the slightest sign of indifference and lack of enthusiasm for your similar, be on the alert!”"The only way to take precautions against this disease is to understand that the soul suffers, and suffers a lot, when we make it live superficially. The soul likes things that are beautiful and profound”.

RE: Ignite


RE: Ignite

me .........

Take me back
Push me forward
Stop me still
Now


Give me a live fire
Any day
Any time
Over frantic live wire
Let me breathe
In
The natural world
Till I’m fine

Let me feel
Let me touch
Let me smell
Let me think these sensual things
And
Take them in

Let me assimilate
That which doth stimulate
me ........

the notes of jazz
the strings of guitar
the plucking of cellos
The sounds
of artistic musical expression
Let me see in my mind’s eyes

Sounds sometimes bizarre
Their notations
Wrapping around me
Like a straight jacket
Restrictive
Yet blissfully so

Let
The heat of
singeing coals
chatter around
licking flames
Purple
Orange
White
Blue
Abstract
Me
And You

Let us talk
And feel our words .......
Deeply
With purpose and knowing

........  and awe


Give me the sight
of a rising full moon
in the arid
Thabazimbi  bushveld
with My Lover
completely naked
yet
fully bathed
and clothed
in the fabric beams
of
the halo-ing moon’s light
Unabashed
Unafraid
Glorified

Let me celebrate
him and me

Let me be
Free

Let me spread my arms
Let me dance
(even if just sometimes in my mind)

I (want to)
Let go
And listen to

The vineyard’s elixir
feeding through my veins
the sound of the embracing response
of my limbs
the sweet memories of where we departed
and have just now arrived
the notes reaching out of the speakers
into every space of the room
and my body
The bass
The drums
how their rhythms mimic that of my own
and reverberate soothingly
off the rocks of my inner cave

I
move
from my core
I
respond
freely
I
sense
the power


External life
sinks in through the pores of
my subcutaneous layers
(called skin)
as an intravenous drip

I
am
inspired
fed
elevated
Re-ignited....

I
feel ........
deeply .......
intensely .......

I
imaginate
speak
share

And that’s what matters the most
THAT which  scares us to our core
FORCES us .....
To our point of Origin .........
The PLACE that really makes us tick.

What makes you tick?
Can you go there?
 for just a few moments?
Can you keep breathing, even when you can’t?
And still listen?
Can you
Hear
What You have to say? ..........
Without you interrupting?
And RE: Ignite?


(05 July 2015  for Graham Holmes)http://thevoiceofjean.blogspot.com/re-ignite.html

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Only My Demons After All

Only My Demons After All

And slowly my mind reveals to me
that all the time they were but mine
all my demons start the gradual smokey rise up
from the pit of my gut
transparent grey and white they twirl
my minds's eye opens up and I see
that all this may have well been
a dream
of what I wish could be
that i havent been the only one
missing
hoping

i thought that i was sensing him
but perhaps not
perhaps this time i was wrong
that ive been holding onto a ghost
instead
that the pain of the loss
i have not quite put to bed
that the pain of loss
has been too much to face
to think hes moved on just like that
cut me loose with no regret

i fear that time will pass
me by
and i
will grow alone in age
i fear that somehow i am less
than others
and that my heart
is deliberately being denied
because of some wrongs
that i am being punished for

i hope this is not true
that these my demons
will somehow change
and free me
lead me to a love
thats real
and forevermore



(18 July 2013 for G.H.)










http://thevoiceofjean.blogspot.com/only_my_demons_after_all.htmlhttp://thevoiceofjean.blogspot.com/only_my_demons_after_all.htmlhttp://thevoiceofjean.blogspot.com/only_my_demons.html

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

(poem - 14th April 2009)

You see …

I’m leaving in just a day

You see….

I haven’t been in touch
With another
So closely
For a while now

I haven’t
Loved
Another
So closely
For a while now

You see….
I want to be and see and taste and touch
These things I haven’t
So closely,
So perhaps then with you
For just a while now

You see….
Like you
I am dainty and scared
And Like you I
I have loved till I was left wilted

You see….
JUST like you
I too have this fire burning
No!
RAGING
Inside
And no-one to warm it with
To heat to a simmer
To coax in from the emotional cold
That Life breathes in icy gusts at times
Whipping them around us
Our boots kicking up shards of ice from the past
to shatter in our face
Sting us in the eye
And blind us for just another moment

You see
I just wanted to feel
What its like
(to pretend)
To be in love
For just a little while
Whilst alongside you
Before I go
And the next storm sets in.


(AIJ Blake - 14 April 2009 … again, .... inspired by M. Squ.)

MUSK (poem - 14th April 2009)

MUSK


Your scent of
musk
It drove me
To sensual limits - the one’s I know
myself to harbour
Just there
In the crook of your neck
And to think I was about
to leave
the movie – so damn slow – behind
And make my way
To the place of sleep and dreams

Your gallantness stepped in of
my way out
And pulled me in
“Can I kiss you?” you asked
Yes
Oh yes
You could kiss me

… and then later
My lips trailing over
The valley of your skin
The dips of your neck
The aroma of your scent
I drank it in
The smoothness of your skin
Tanned
gold
Intoxicated beyond my own sensual heights -
You.
Musk.


( AIJ Blake - 14 April 2009 - for a perhaps-just-momentary lover, Mark Squ.)

Sunday, 1 March 2009

“What I messaged you the other night….”


The magazine pages
Flip over and fall onto the part
That grasps my attention
That makes me gasp
For breath

A nerve is hit

And so I read of
“loneliness in relationships”
and
“respecting intuition”
And
I think of you
And what I messaged you the other night
And the hard clipped words in your reply
- patronizing
- and chastising as if I was a little girl
- I am not
- Your words were just like that
Of my father

And it hurt
And I cried

Yes, you seem to be another dynamic played out
As I try to uncover and release the hurtful pattern
Of a past I cannot reclaim
Of a closeness that never was
Of a father that never is

And you are just like him
And I fell for you
Self-fulfillingly

First I read the piece on loneliness
And as I tired to understand
The dynamics between us
I stepped away
Took a step back and said
“No more”
“Not this time”
And I unplugged the imaginary cord
Connecting me to you
I pulled it out

I am now about to read the piece
On intuition
And that left me reeling
Because what left me feeling
so UTTERLY lonely when WITH you
is your lack of affirmation of me
your lack of intimately connecting with me
you held back
every time
playing your manipulative game of taking and “listening” to all you could from me
to always keep the upper-hand
to ensure you’d always be the one in control
and controlling the situation
and when I became demanding
it threw you
I wanted clarity and boundaries
A sense of security
I wanted vulnerability
From YOU
I challenged you
And your world would be wobbled
And control would start wavering
And you’d run
The hostility between us would set in
The love was gone

OR
Perhaps it never was there

But that’s exactly what my father did
Played his sick manipulative game
I see now though how he always used his loud harsh bark
To cover up the weak man inside
His inability to stand up for himself
His inability to make a commitment
To himself
And to another

And you’re the same

So all that inability gets covered up
with a sick strategic game
it’s always easier to rather surround one’s self
with others who do the work for them
set the boundaries in place for them
don’t demand higher ideals
closer connection
deeper intimacy
because it puts you
(as it put him)
On the line
To be REAL
- real with yourself
- real with another
- real with the world
- and the closer to the other, the more threatening and dangerous

that’s what I was to you
wasn’t it?
I was a threat
Danger
To your carefully worked out game
Your carefully structured identity
I challenged its rules
And so your existence
Your carefully structured world
Of military strategy
And no emotion
- because that’s always where the truth lies
- rather safer to stay within the confinement of rational thinking and intellect, its crisp and clear
- emotion is abstract and submerged, it exists with different rules, it requires US to surrender to IT, and you hate that (as does he)
- you’d have to face your deepest darkest part of yourself and confront the places you’ve kept so well-hidden

You run from your own identity
The one that dwells in your unconscious
And I tapped into it
That’s the language I spoke to you
So when things started to surface
It was too much for you to face
Who you really are
Because you’ve honed your conscious to steer your ship
To “be” your pseudonym identity
Your conscious rules you with its fears
And you deny your true core self that lives beneath the surface
You deny your unconscious SELF
You deny you

I speak the language of unconscious to you
And you reply with the language of conscious
And so the constant battle of
light versus dark
Truth versus deception
Is put into play.


you see I can’t do
what you do
because I made a choice not to
I was very young when I chose this
To not become a stagnant lie
Spending my life investing in constantly covering up
The truth of what I really felt
I understood all too well
The dis-easedness of it all
To play life that way
Play others that way
To play my SELF that way
…. To waste myself away

I see you doing that
And yet, I too am the fool
For not having learned how to walk away
from my own childhood relationship dynamics
I pulled you into my web
And now I have to find the recipe
To remove the glue
That keeps you sticking to me
Or keeps me sticking to you

Perhaps you have found how
To leave me behind
And its just me that has to learn the trick
It’s a lonely thought
But I will
I can
Because my ideals are too high to be ignored
I will crack this reflection I have of myself
- Undervaluing
- underestimating
- not worthy to be truly and truthfully loved
I will smash this mirror
And build a new one
… I’m slowly sourcing the pieces

that do not include you.
(01 March 2009)



Sunday, 21 December 2008

The Dreamkeepers

Dreamkeepers
One finds a space
One day one takes a step into
A small and somewhat non-attention-drawing office
And pledges one’s most future pressing years to dedicate
To this place
This space
This time
Enveloped
Envisioned
In the dream of one man
The boss

And stepping in on that first day
The energy within
Pulses
The adrenaline of possibility pumping
And a dream is born
Manifest
Into physical

And as the days become nights
Become days
Become dreams-come-true
The hope it grows
And nurtures
And crystallizes into visions of one’s future potential
and places to reach for
But then
The tower
Gets struck
By lightening
- the conscience of consequence of action -
the flash of misguidance
Directs the ship directly into the storm
That was predicted too long ago
And once again
The cracks that let the water seep in
Materialize once more
And the ships goes
Down

And the crew
Jumps
Or get pushed
Off

And then there is nothing
But the lonely dregs of loyal plebs
Hanging onto to threadbare wisps
Of a dream
Once lived
Who pledged their heart
For a cause that held their personal dream
Only to have one man
Undermine
Their heart
Use
A piece of their soul
Take for granted
Them

And so the loyalty hurts and starves
And the dream dies from thirst
And it all shrivels up to what it was at the very beginning
The cycle begins again
The Lesson
still unlearned

And the deeply saddened spirit
Tries to pick up the pieces of its broken heart
And the person
Moves on …
Void of choice

All because of a man
who forgot
to remember
His companions
His soulmates
His dreamkeepers

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Posted: 17 Oct 2008 05:45 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho
- What is the language of the signs?
- Every man has his own personal way of communicating with God and with his own soul.
- So man doesn’t need religion?
- The religions are very important, because they allow us to adore collectively, and to share the same mysteries. But the spiritual search is the responsibility of each of us: if you stray from your path, it is no use blaming the priest, the minister, the rabbi, the pastor - the responsibility is yours alone. That is why an alphabet exists which your soul understands, and which will show you the better decisions along your path.
- How to learn this language?
- Like you would any other. First, with the discipline to educate oneself to notice the signs. Then, with the courage to practice the language. Thirdly, never be afraid to make mistakes while practicing.
- What is it makes us so often follow the wrong sign?
- But of course, how else to learn the right signs?
- Could you give me an example of a sign?
- No. As I said, the language is individual. If we begin to generalize the signs, they turn into superstition.
"Many masters have made the mistake of using their signs in order to guide their disciples. What happens is that when people begin the spiritual search, they enter unknown waters, and feel insecure. So they try grabbing hold of the first thing held out to them - and in doing this, they abandon the aspect of adventure, only to become slaves to the hand guiding them. "
- How can I be sure of recognizing a sign as a true one?
- You never can. But, generally, if you begin seeing this world beyond convictions, you will see that your intuition will start to lead you towards the better choice - however absurd it may seem. Gradually, this language becomes incorporated within you, and although you will continue to make the odd mistake, you are already at peace with your soul, and make the right decisions.
"Often the sign is more practical than we imagined, and I’ll tell you a story about this.
"A man once dreamt about an angel, who said to him: tomorrow it will start to rain, your village will be flooded, but you will be saved.
"And sure enough, the next day it started to rain. An emergency team went from house to house, evacuating the inhabitants, since there was a danger of flooding. All left, except that man, who said: "I had a dream about an angel, who said I’d be saved."
"The next day, the water rose to the first floor of the houses. A second emergency team came to try and save the man, who again refused to leave, claiming to have received a sign from an angel, and that he had to show the world his faith.
"By the third day, the situation had become critical, and the man was alone, perched on the roof of his house - as the waters continued to rise nonstop. Making an enormous effort, a rescue team again tried to remove him, but again he refused, calling them the devil, shouting that they were trying to force him to deny the angel’s sign.
"A short while later, the water covered the house and the man was drowned. Since he was a good Christian, he went to heaven and met St. Peter, who invited him to enter. The man refused, saying that God had tricked him; He had sent an angel who told him he would be saved, when in fact he was the only villager who had died.
"St. Peter told him that God never lied, and promised to return with an explanation. He entered Paradise and returned half an hour later, saying:
"It is true, God did indeed send you an angel to tell you that you would be saved. But He said you refused, three times, the salvation He sent you in the form of rescue teams!""

Posted: 16 Oct 2008 05:29 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho



1] All men are different. And should do everything possible to continue to be so.
2] Each human being has been granted two courses of action: that of deed and that of contemplation. Both lead to the same place.
3] Each human being has been granted two qualities: power and gift. Power drives man to meet his destiny, his gift obliges him to share with others that which is good in him. A man must know when to use his power, and when to use his gift.
4] Each human being has been granted a virtue: the capacity to choose. For he who does not use this virtue, it becomes a curse - and others will always choose for him.
5] Each human being has the right to two blessings, which are: the blessing to do right, and the blessing to err. In the latter case, there is always a path of learning leading to the right way.
6] Each human being has his own sexual profile, and should exercise it without guilt - provided he does not oblige others to exercise it with him.
7] Each human being has his own Personal Legend to be fulfilled, and this is the reason he is in the world. The Personal Legend is manifest in his enthusiasm for what he does.Single paragraph - the Personal Legend may be abandoned for a certain time, provided one does not forget it and returns as soon as possible.
8] Each man has a feminine side, and each woman has a masculine side. It is necessary to use discipline with intuition, and to use intuition objectively.
9] Each human being must know two languages: the language of society and the language of the omens. The first serves for communication with others. The second serves to interpret messages from God.
10] Each human being has the right to seek out joy, joy being understood as something which makes one content - not necessarily that which makes others content.
11] Each human being must keep alight within him the sacred flame of madness. And must behave like a normal person.
12] The only faults considered grave are the following: not respecting the rights of one’s neighbor, letting oneself be paralyzed by fear, feeling guilty, thinking one does not deserve the good and bad which occurs in life, and being a coward.Paragraph 1 - we shall love our adversaries, but not make alliances with them. They are placed in our way to test our sword, and deserve the respect of our fight.Paragraph 2 - we shall choose our adversaries, not the other way around.
13] All religions lead to the same God, and all deserve the same respect.Single paragraph - A man who chooses a religion is also choosing a collective manner of adoration and of sharing the mysteries. Nevertheless, he alone is responsible for his actions along the Way, and he has no right to transfer to religion the responsibility for his steps and his decisions.
14] We hereby declare the end to the wall dividing the sacred from the profane: from now on, all is sacred.
15] Everything which is done in the present, affects the future by consequence, and the past by redemption.
16] Dispensations to the contrary are herewith revoked.

Friday, 17 October 2008

Quote of the Day
Posted: 16 Oct 2008 05:26 AM CDT
By Paulo Coelho

The Warrior of Light does not always have faith.
(Manual of the Warrior of Light)

Friday, 10 October 2008

Today’s Question by the reader : Yajna
Posted: 09 Oct 2008 05:46 AM CDT

I believe that love should never prevent you from reaching your dream, but how does it work if your dream is love? Isn’t love an entity on its own, not under control/ ours to be decided on?

Concerning love - it is the ultimate goal. Our personal legend is merely a path, a way we trace in this world in order to fulfill ourselves. As Saint Paul says in his letter to the Corinthians (13:1) : "If I speak in the languages of humans and angels but have no love, I have become a reverberating gong or a clashing cymbal."
the Fires of the Divine
will always burn that which has reached its time for transformation, transcendence, renewal ....

that is where we have arrived ....

a lightening bolt struck us both down, and burned every part of what we had to nothing - all incinerated ...

we've reached a time of fundamentally deep change ....

only something greater is destined to grow from among the burnt ashes of our past together .....

and only time will reveal the secrets of its intentions ....

for now we walk in the shadow of unknowingness, and can only blindly trust the Hands that guide us forward each on our own way....

Thursday, 9 October 2008

Quote of the Day
Posted: 09 Oct 2008 05:48 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

Whenever man walks the path of faith with sincerity, he becomes capable of growing closer to God and capable of miracles.
(By the River Piedra I sat down and wept)

The Sword of Decision

Being master of your sword
Posted: 09 Oct 2008 05:50 AM CDT
Paulo Coelho

A sword may last a short time. But the warrior must endure.
That is why he is not fooled about his own capability, and avoids being taken by surprise. He considers each thing with the importance it deserves.
At times, when faced with grave matters, the devil whispers in his ear: "do not worry about that, it’s not serious."
At others, facing banal things, the demon tells him: "you should devote all your energy to resolve this situation."
The warrior does not listen to what the devil is saying.
He is master of his sword.
 
Creative Commons License
This work by Angela Iris Jean Blake is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 2.5 South Africa License.